Too Funny Not to Share...

Here is a hilarious list of truisms about having Celiac Disease borrowed from the Facebook Group – “You know you have Celiac Disease when...”

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE CELIAC DISEASE...
- If you dont remember what crackers are supposed to taste like.
- If you bring "special" beer to the party, and don't share.
- If you actually have nightmares about reading labels.
- If you compare all of your food to "normal-people-food."
- If you cry when you discover a new way to make gluten-free bread. And call all your relatives.
- If you know that Xantham Gum is not for chewing.
- If you don't lick stamps.
- If you sit on the phone with a pharmacy for an hour to find out what type of starch they use just so that you can take a generic Tylenol and be-rid of your headache.
- If you know that spelt is a distant cousin of wheat, but buckwheat is not related to wheat at all.
- If the construction workers working on the house next door to you can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.
- If your grandmother INSISTS that you don't have celiac, you're just “suffering from malabsorption”
- If you burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words "gluten free" stamped on the corner of the Nestle hot cocoa mix.
- If you actually KNOW what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.
- If you forget to buy bun, rolls, bread, ect. at the store for all the gluten eaters of you family.
- If you can find "hidden gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye - if your family couldn't find them if they had a magnifying glass, dictionary, and Ph.D.
- If you've actually suggested cardboard for dinner.
- If you've actually eaten cardboard for dinner.
- If you wept the first time you tried to make gluten free sugar cookies
- If you accept that fact that cardboard probably taste better than gluten free sugar cookies anyway.
- If you have ever made a list of everything you would eat if a magical genie could cure you.
- If you keep this list with you at all times just in case you should come across a magical genie.
- If you have searched for a magical genie.
- If you get a medical exemption out of cooking class because they are baking bread.
- If you've had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.
- If you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.
- If you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
- If you've "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement.
- If a 7 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you. Lettuce.
- If you've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.
- If you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a cookie.
- If it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is ruined.
- If you hyperventilate when passing by the bakery counter.
- If you've ever deliberately rammed your cart into a Shredded Wheat display in a fit of rage.
- If you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste like sawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe.
- If the centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine with memorial candles.
- If your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play Doh.
- If your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.
- If one of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies".
- If you've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.
- If you've brought a suitcase full of food with you on a cruise.
- If you pace and circle the store three or four times when deciding on a new product, pick it up look at the ingredients, each time. Only to leave without it, figuring why bother.
- If your family thinks you're crazy for not tasting their new chocolate chip cookie recipe, because surely a little nibble couldn't hurt right?
- If your financial portfolio consists of stock in two major toilet paper companies.
- If you are up late at night trying to develop a recipe for pizza without flour, cheese, yeast, tomatoes, beef, garlic and oregano.
- If you can spell transglutaminase and dermatitis herpetiformis.
- If you just discovered how to make flour out of turnips.
- If you show up at the annual church pancake breakfast with a mask and sardine lettuce rollups
- If having solid poop is the highlight of your day.
- If you have actually doodled a new cartoon dog on your notes named "Sprue"
- If you have a sign in your kitchen saying "Gluten free environment"
- If you have actually considered using a gluten-free bagel for a hockey puck
- If you've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without your face twitching
- If you know all about xanthan gum and its uses.
- If you have ever dreamt about Wonder Bread.
- If you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they dont eat them.
- If you read the ingredient label on green tea - plain green tea.
- If you know exactly when Post added barley flavoring back to the Fruity Pebbles and you're ticked.
- If you pay relatives back east exorbitant shipping rates to send you a $12 six pack of Gluten-free beer.
- If you cried when you saw your usually careful husband brushing the crumbs off his hands (from making a gluten-containing sandwich) RIGHT OVER the open utensil drawer
- If you talk about your disease (not the unpleasant parts) so much to your friends and acquaintances that your husband tells you you need to get another hobby
- If you take a list of safe drinks to the bar with you. And actually consult it before you order a drink.
- If you see someone buying rice flour in the bulk section and you just have to ask them if they are gluten intolerant too!
- If it drives you crazy when someone says they completely understand your diet, they did Atkins.
- If people roll their eyes at you when you say "no thank you" to someone's gluten filled dessert
- If you've refused things as "simple" as gum or sucking candies because you don't know if they're safe.
- If you talk about endoscopy's and colonoscopy's like these are normal everyday occurrences that everyone gets nearly every year.
- If you've ever watched your own -scopy, and asked the doc to point out anything cool.

Learning to Live Life As a Celiac

What I’ve experienced so far as a Celiac….

I’ve always hated labels. Especially this one.

I wrote several case studies on Celiac Disease while completing my master’s degree, in which I would always start out by telling the patient what they could eat, rather than focusing on all that they couldn’t.

It is easier said than done. We live in a glutenized world. The risk of cross-contamination is huge. It gets frustrating. It is okay to cry a little. But most of all…feeling better is much worth any sacrifice you have to make.

When I first got diagnosed, I was so thankful that I knew all that I did about Celiac Disease. I cannot imagine getting diagnosed without knowing what to do – so if you have been diagnosed, please feel free to ask as many questions as needed.

The lessons I have learned are that it is much easier to eat at home, simpler is always better, and not everyone understands what living as a Celiac means.

1.Eating at Home: I love to cook – and this is very beneficial when having this disease. Eating out or eating at other people’s houses provides a huge set of challenges. First of all, not everyone understands that cross-contamination is a huge risk when living with this disease. Using the same knife for a food that contains gluten, and then cutting into a gluten free food makes that food no longer safe to eat. Dipping into the peanut butter jar and spreading it onto a piece of wheat bread and then using that same knife to spread peanut butter onto gluten free bread is a big no-no. My husband and I love to try new restaurants every once in a while, but it has been frustrating learning that eating out consists of plain lettuce salads, plain vegetables, and overall, plain tasting foods. There are rare exceptions. We found a gluten free Italian restaurant that makes some pretty great gluten free pastas and pizzas, but still, it was not quite as good as what I can make at home.

2. Simpler is Better: As a nutritionist, I always tell people to try and savor the true tastes of foods and not clutter them with un-needed sauces and dressings. Thankfully, this is very helpful for dealing with Celiac’s. Gluten is pretty much in every sauce or dressing you can think of, unless you make it at home, or are able to find certified gluten free sauces at the store. The plus to this though is that most seasonings are gluten free – exploring different taste combinations with savory herbs and spices is a great way to add flavor boosts to your food.


3. Not every understands what this disease is: Many people think this is just an allergy. Many people think you are just being picky. Many people think that it is just a fad diagnosis. WRONG on all accounts. Celiac Disease is an autoimmune disorder in which the small intestine is damaged when gluten is consumed in any amount. It does produce adverse reactions that appear to be allergic reactions, but what they really are is your body attacking itself while trying to kill the gluten particles. Mine presented with stomach cramps, altered hormones, and acne breakouts like you wouldn’t believe. Not everyone understands what a big deal it is to have Celiac Disease, but as the Celiac patient yourself, you cannot expect them to. It is best to understand this, and to be prepared – bring your own food to gatherings where you know food will be served, explain it to people the best you can, and most of all continue to focus on all the wonderful foods you can eat and rejoice in knowing that your body is healing and recovering!

It is okay to feel sorry for yourself every once in a while, when that piece of delicious looking cake is staring you in the face, or when all of your friends are scarfing down some of your old favorite foods. But then it is important to get over quickly, make your own delicious gluten free food, and join in the fun!

I have been preaching for a long time that what you eat can and does affect your body in so many ways; strange, odd, peculiar ways in which no one would ever expect. Since I have made nutrition my career, I absolutely must practice what I preach. This became real to me in a new way about four weeks ago when I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. For those of you who may not know Celiac Disease is an inherited autoimmune disease in which gluten – a protein composite of wheat, rye and barley – causes damage to the intestine. This diagnosis requires adherence to a gluten free diet, or more aptly put, a gluten free lifestyle.

Oh the adventures of going gluten free in what I like to call a “GLUTINIZED SOCIETY.”

I have done many case studies on Celiac Disease, have watched many people walk through the diagnosis themselves, and know the exact biochemistry behind how the antibodies are elevated. However, it is a completely different experience when you have to live with the diet yourself.

I am going to begin documenting my journey with this disease. It will not completely overtake my blog, but I do want to open it up as a place of learning for my fellow “Celiacs” who may not know how to properly maintain their health.

As you can see when you look around the blog, I have added a couple interactive pieces to help personalize my blog to your needs. Each month there will be a new poll that addresses particular nutrition issues. Provide an answer each month, and on the first of every month I will create a post that addresses the most popular answer! Also, at the bottom of the page there is a place where you can submit your e-mail address so that you can be notified when a new post has been created. Please take advantage of this so that I can better help my readers with their nutritional needs.

On another personal note, get ready for more frequent and even more in-depth posts because my free time has just been given a major overhaul…I COMPLETED MY MASTER’S THESIS! This is big news for me, and I am excited to move on from the sleepless nights of graduate school.